You ever have one of those conversations where you and the other person are both trying to prove just how gracious and understanding you each are?
This happens to me all the time!
For example, a friend of mine saw a business card in my house saying "Fire Your Boss, Order Our FREE video now" It has an 800 number and no name on it. She said "Oh, it's probably just a scam."
I told her that it was actually my own business card. Of course, she felt bad, and started saying how she didn't look at it completely and didn't know it was mine.
Personally, I would think the same exact thing about the card if I was in her place. It DOES look like a scam. I didn't personally design the business card, it's just one of those stock things I was supposed to order with my business.
So here I am trying to explain to her that I agree, while she's trying to explain how she didn't really mean it. We're both so set on proving that we're nice people, we don't even listen to what the other one is saying.
My sister will ask if I'm coming over for dinner. I tell her I'll let her know.
Then, she goes on to explain that she dosen't mind us coming over, but just wants to know how much to cook. I say I'll hurry up and ask JR so she'll know, because I don't want her hanging around wondering if we're coming over.
She sounds concerned about sounding inhospitable, and I'm concerned about being too vague for her. Neither of us seem to care about the other's concern anyway.
I have a similar conversation with my Mom regularly. Only Mom prefaces it with "I don't want you thinking I'm trying to boss you around but [then a dinner invitation]" Then I have to assure her that I don't feel that way, but I will hurry up with getting back to her so she doesn't have to think that.
Being yielding to another is usually a positive quality. However, when all the parties yield, no one moves forward. It's like that awkward time when you're deciding who should go through the door next.
So my goal is to receive other people's graciousness when they offer it. It's really the same principle as receiving gifts. Declining gifts for no other reason than to be nice, is not actually that nice to the giver. If there is no reason to reject it, you accept the gift and say 'Thank You'. In the same way, I can forget about proving how nice I am, and receive another person's graciousness.
A person who feels good about himself, is going to feel good about the people around him anyway.
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6 comments:
Nice plan! I think I'll do the same for a while.
"I'm coming over for dinner, and you can't stop me!" :D
You have just described something that I think is typical of east coast people. people here are overly worried about how they are percieved by others- which is good, but they go a bit overboard here! us Californians are too laid back to overly worry about it:-)
That's an interesting perspective. I think it gets more overboard the closer you get to D.C. It must be the political correctness.
Even though I'm on the east coast of the U.S., I live on the west coast of Florida & folks are more Californian than D.C. I grew up used to the uptightness of east coast folks & really had to adjust when we moved down here. Folks are super laid back. Sometimes I fit in & other times I really don't.
I agree about accepting graciousness. Sometimes we just have to thank our friend & be comfortable in knowing that we'll end up doing something nice for this person too in the near future. Then they will be thanking us for our act of kindness. Hand to mouth, as some say.
Oh, and yes Joellyn, you ARE nice, really!!!
It's true. Sometimes the excusing of oneself creates a wall and we are not truly honest anymore.
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