Harvest Moon

The earth changed four times since the Harvest moon witnessed you
Your family changed, more knowledge this year and with that we grew
We still carry you around, each day mentioning your name
You ride along each adjustment, each change

But you stay quite the same.

The Harvest moon won't see you this time
Not even if the night is clear
And if it rains, you will not see that sign
Simply because you're not here

Some would say you exist in a labeled box on a shelf
Others, forever in our hearts
Those may be true, but memories store your self
Not my memory, or you'd be missing parts

In God's memory, each detail of what you are
Relieved of suffering and pain
The Harvest moon will one day rise again
And find you here, quite the same.

In Memory of Baby Silas

Interesting Post with a Chart

I'm trying to be more interesting. At least on my blog, maybe in my real life too.

This is quite a challenge when you're a mother of a young child. People like me spend an enormous amount of time and emotional energy on their offspring. So it is only natural to find this the most interesting subject, and to presume that the rest of the world is as enamored with this subject as the one speaking about it. Even as I write this, perhaps you noticed how I turned my paragraph on being interesting indirectly into the subject of my offspring.

So being interesting to myself is not that difficult. It's the being interesting to other people that I'm working on. Everyone is different, so there's no one subject that will work for all.

Here's a chart:





It's a little hard to read, and the contents are pretty subjective, since it only took me an hour or so to make it off the top of my head. The point is, in general, if a subject is generic enough, it will be slightly interesting to almost everybody. On the other side, if the subject is more directed, it will be more fascinating to a few people. It would be good to have both in our lives.

So perhaps two elements are involved: balance and variety.

We need to balance our lives so our priorities never drop out of first place. We can do this by becoming absorbed in the Most Important Thing. Have this become your fascinating subject. The more absorbed you are in it, the more of a priority it is, and the more interesting it is.

There's no accounting for interest. People can be interested in things they are terrible at, and people can be talented in something they hate. It's just about doing it. It's a habit if you keep doing it. It's not a habit if you don't keep doing it.

The benefit of making your priority your fascinating subject is you're not just wasting all your time trying to be interesting to other people. You'll be accomplishing something for yourself as well. Also, you will attract the few people who have the same priority, thus you'll have a 'team' to support you.

The other side of being interesting is to be open for a variety of things.

It does not mean you have to DO a variety of things.
Some spend the rest of their time checking off a 'bucket list'. A bucket list is when someone writes down all the things they want to do before they die, or get married, have kids, turn 40, whatever. These are things that everyone is 'supposed' to experience. The problem with a list like this, is that it places all these enriching experiences on the same level. They all become just another task to check off. If you don't finish your list, it's a negative feeling. If someone does finish the list, I'm not convinced it's really a positive feeling afterward.



That is just my personal opinion regarding a list. However, it's true that if you are open to experience a variety of things, with no goal in mind, something is bound to happen sooner or later. The odds are it will be an experience you would not of written down on a To Do list. Which means other people would not of put it on their list, which means you have an experience that would be more interesting to other people.

So to be more interesting, I am focusing on my priority, and becoming more absorbed in it. Other people with the same priority will find that very interesting.

Then, I'm going to not have a lot of other stuff I have to do. So when something cool comes around, I won't be too busy to try it. Then, I'll write about it on my blog.

Voices of Evil

You ever notice how people have a different greeting for very small children than their standard greeting for adults? It's usually "gimme fiveeeee" accompanied by an open hand, or some guys go "gotcher nose!" after they pinch the kid's nose and show them their thumb. Some are a little more subtle, like ruffling their hair, or poking their belly and saying "boop boop". It would be cool if we greeted each other like that.

When the situation requires the person to interact with the child longer than their basic greeting, what people do is really quite shocking if you think about it long enough. It usually takes a form of tickling or general pestering with a sound effect. The funny part, is the thing many people are acting out look like euphenisms for the most horrific concepts of the human imagination.

I've watched people introduce to my son concepts & things such as cannibalism, decapitation, electricution, machine gun assassination, zombies, body mutilation, kidnapping, and so on.

We all do it, Fil's uncle pretends to take his head off and throw it across the room.

A friend of ours makes it look like he's being electricuted.

My Dad does the machine-gun-shooting war planes when he tickles him. He goes "EEEEeeeerrrrrrrrr DAT DA DAT DAT DADADADADADA DAT DAT DAT" while his pointer fingers poke Fil all over his chest furiously.

I'm not bringing this up to necessarily say I disapprove of people playing games with my son. I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes, Fil will call me over and over, and I'll respond with a face intended to scare him.

My sister tries to scare him by saying his name in a really deep vibrato voice. Fil gets scared for a second, and then laughs.

I started thinking, where did I come up with that face? What is my sister imitating when she says his name like that? I started asking questions like that whenever I see someone playing with him.

Basically, we're just exposing him to a 'fun' version of extreme peril or way of dying. I've never seen a zombie movie, and don't intend to, but somehow, my inclination is to pretend I AM one when I'm playing with my son. My sister naturally does a ghost/monster voice.

It's just strange that most people would not approve of their 3-year-old seeing a movie, or even listening to a story about these extreme things. However, it's almost natural to imitate it through play. Maybe it's just how kids learn the concept of danger through an extreme example in a safe enviroment.

Or maybe there's just a bunch of sick people in Fil's life.

Stuff-mental

I was shopping with my friend at Walmart today. She wanted me to smell her new lemongrass cucumber yellow 5 bath product she was buying. I generally hate strong smelling soap products, unless I chose the scent myself. I was trying to be gracious when I smelled it, but my face involuntarily wrinkled into what looked like a complete judgment of her and her bath product with no chance of retribution.

I have strong opinions on many things, but not so much on actual people. However, sometimes I think I make people believe it's the other way around.

Here's an illustration of what I worry about happening:

What I see:


What I'm thinking:


What my friend thinks:


Even if my friend USED this bath product that I think is horrible, I would still think the same of her. I'd still want to be her friend.


I like the challenge of changing myself to make people like me more, but I don't know how to not have strong opinions about stuff.

If I hate a movie, I'm very detailed in describing exactly why I hated it, using a vocabulary I'm not accustomed to using on a regular basis. I usually only sound smart when I'm talking about things I hate, unless I have a prepared speech on something I like, that I've worked on for hours.


Am I supposed to feel bad if I hate a movie that my friend likes?

On the flip side, if I have a good opinion on something, I tend to think this is THE ONLY way for me. FOR ME! I don't really care how you might do it. You could totally be the opposite of me on something very personal, and I'd be like "I would NEVER do that!" but it wouldn't have an impact on how much I liked you.



I would totally still like you if you said that to me, after my home-delivery speech. I'd probably like you even more.

I just value friendship more if there is a freeness of speech on how we feel about stuff. It's great fun to be friends with someone with good habits who is really different from myself. It's not so much fun judging someone as a person based on smart stuff I know.

The cool part about having a friend who is different is that there's more material for jokes based on stereotypes you might not quite understand.




See? That's hilarious.

Phone Call

I called JR to tell him I organized his paperwork. I also explained my new 'system' where I'm going to put sticky notes with instructions for each piece of paper he needs to deal with, and that his box of papers with instructions are sitting on his rocking chair.

He sounded somewhat alarmed the whole time I was telling him this. I asked how he was. He said that I don't usually call him when he's out, so he was thinking there was an emergency or something. Then he realized that I was just excited about organizing his paperwork, and now understands why I called.

I thought I called him more often than that. I guess not.

Good Meeting

I hardly heard any of the meeting today. I'll explain why with a run-on sentence:

Filip wouldn't eat all day yesterday so woke up at 2:30am hungry but he wouldn't eat then so we just watched a movie until 4 which meant I couldn't wake him up this morning so I had to dress him while he was asleep and pack his large breakfast because I couldn't let him miss another meal so he ate most of it in the car but had to finish the rest in the bathroom after the meeting started which means he was wide awake by then and was having a good time in the nursing mothers room spinning in circles and just being generally loud until we sat down and I helped someone with their kids which got him more social time than he is used to so I assumed he wasn't listening then.

The sentence of the talk I heard was about the benefits Jesus would bring with the kingdom. Filip was spinning around in circles and fell on the floor, on purpose.

"Mommy, I hurt myself, I need Jesus." he said.
He got himself off the floor and then said:

"I better now, Jesus make it better."

So through all that, he managed to understand the theme of the talk, and make personal application. So there it is, I guess we are training him. You could of fooled me.

New vocab

I just had an 'Oh, Tada' moment.

Jae & I got that from a Bill Nye episode. This kid was demonstrating a science experiment that was not working as planned. He kept fiddling with the different components. While he wasn't paying attention, the experiment started to work. He looked down, and saw it in progress, and went
"Oh Tada"

I was in the kitchen cutting vegetables & throwing them in to the soup we're having for dinner tonight. I was also thinking about how I need to finish cleaning the house. I looked around, and realized I was so busy cooking & cleaning that I didn't notice that the whole house was clean & dinner is made. The best expression I can think of, for a moment like this is
'Oh, Tada.'